I'm still here, learning to sometimes-fight, sometimes-manage, this thing called depression. I have learned a lot about this condition; it's symptoms, causes, and treatments. God has given me people who are supportive, which is such a huge blessing, and I am grateful to Him. There are others who are not so supportive, and I am learning to accept that. In going through the journey of seeking answers, I have learned to trust God more and more; for my health, my future, my finances, and my "reputation". He has shown me areas in my life that I need to change, and brought me to a place of sweet surrender to His will. It seems I have no choice!
These last 9 months have brought many times of despair, much worry, doubt, and confusion. But there have been blessings as well. My husband, who has been needing work for some time, is now working with one of the men from my home church group. That group has expanded, and we are experiencing the joy of following the Lord's lead, one baby step at a time. Not being able to return to my job has allowed me to consider other options, ones that I would have thought would never be possible to look at before. Now, as I see God's faithfulness in so many areas, I am believing Him more and more for the "impossible."
I watched a documentary yesterday about the resistance movement inside the Nazi regime. There was an organized group within and without Hitler's highest officials that plotted to end his life. Many attempts were made, but none successful. In all of these, it seemed as though God was simply not allowing him to be assassinated. Of course, we wonder why He would prevent this, since removing the leader would end much evil and suffering, halting his tyrannical and mesmerizing hold over so many people. Yet, he was allowed to continue until the appointed time, when defeat was at his door.
Sometimes we can look at illness like that. We wonder why God allows it, when we know that He can prevent it and heal it so easily. I have to believe that in all these things, He has a higher purpose. His ways are not our ways. Whether in the case of world history, including all the evil that Hitler instigated, or in our own, small lives, He is working out His plans and purposes. Faith is the anchor that He gives to us, to hold us steady in any storm.
These last 9 months have brought many times of despair, much worry, doubt, and confusion. But there have been blessings as well. My husband, who has been needing work for some time, is now working with one of the men from my home church group. That group has expanded, and we are experiencing the joy of following the Lord's lead, one baby step at a time. Not being able to return to my job has allowed me to consider other options, ones that I would have thought would never be possible to look at before. Now, as I see God's faithfulness in so many areas, I am believing Him more and more for the "impossible."
I watched a documentary yesterday about the resistance movement inside the Nazi regime. There was an organized group within and without Hitler's highest officials that plotted to end his life. Many attempts were made, but none successful. In all of these, it seemed as though God was simply not allowing him to be assassinated. Of course, we wonder why He would prevent this, since removing the leader would end much evil and suffering, halting his tyrannical and mesmerizing hold over so many people. Yet, he was allowed to continue until the appointed time, when defeat was at his door.
Sometimes we can look at illness like that. We wonder why God allows it, when we know that He can prevent it and heal it so easily. I have to believe that in all these things, He has a higher purpose. His ways are not our ways. Whether in the case of world history, including all the evil that Hitler instigated, or in our own, small lives, He is working out His plans and purposes. Faith is the anchor that He gives to us, to hold us steady in any storm.
